Al Quaeda Submarine Built to Look For Osama Bin Laden

Arabian Sea - Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the news another story about Osama is breaking across the wires. Al Quaeda has launched its first submarine and is claiming it can reachOsama Bin Laden's body within days.

"We have spared no expense in devizing this machine," said Azul Muqh Fouder, "It can do blazing speeds and has a great rinse cycle."

"Our main difficulty has been devising a system for adding coins to the slot outside of the Sub," continued the engineer, "That is the problem with adapting existing technology, but we have had little time and time is of the essence. We must reach our supreme leader before the warm waters cause him to wrinkle too much. However, we have devised another machine which will help to iron out wrinkles. Plus we have a fabric softener that we are very excited about."

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U.S. Fleet Neurologist Releases Osama Bin Laden's Medical Report

Counter intelligence units deployed in the Arabian Peninsula, were reportedly angered over the intentional leak of medical exam information following the return of Osama Bin Laden's remains to the aircraft carrier, USS Carl Vinson. 

The on-duty Pathologist who is also the Navy's ranking Neurologist is currently being questioned about his methods and his tactics following the information leak, once bits of the medical examiner's report were tweeted out into the internet ether. Dr. Hugh Jeagou, denies any break in protocol or desecration of the body but admits the sharing of "socially important" information through mass communication methods.

A U.S. NAVY SEALS' SECRET WEAPON: ELITE DOG TEAM

The U.S. Navy SEALs who carried out the successful mission in Pakistan used high-tech helicopters, weaponry and masterful skills to kill Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, according to released details of the operation.

Members of the U.S. Navy military special forces, however, have yet another formidable weapon in their already impressive arsenal: an elite dog team that can parachute or rappel into action at a moment's notice.

It remains unclear if any members of the U.S. Navy SEALs' elite dog team participated in the raid of bin Laden's compound, but over the past several months, many of these dogs have been outfitted with "canine tactical assault vests" and other equipment, according to media reports.